


Strong for Belle

by desperatemurph



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood, Death in Childbirth, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Marriage, Modern AU, One Shot, mention of miscarriage, moe is an ass, no magic, single parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 15:11:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19871677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desperatemurph/pseuds/desperatemurph
Summary: Modern AU. Cameron and Belle Gold blissfully married for five years had enough obstacles on their path to happiness: insecurities, disapproval of Belle's father and a miscarriage. But there's just one more in the way before they become a real family of three. Can they overcome it or will it shatter the life they've built together?





	Strong for Belle

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to @poca-staks who was the beta of whatever this is
> 
> Please read the tags, this is super angsty and I am sorry

Cameron Gold was sitting on a plastic chair in the waiting room at Storybrooke General Hospital. White walls of the room and the sound of people running back and forth in front of him did nothing good for his already worn out nerves.

His fingers were fiddling with his wedding ring as his thoughts went far away. Just half an hour ago he was holding his wife’s hand and helping her through the labour. Everything was going by the book until Belle lost consciousness during one of the pushes and Cameron was rushed out of the room, so that the doctors could tend to her without interference.

His stomach clenched as his mind went to the most horrid outcomes possible. Three years ago he and Belle already went through a pregnancy until it ended in her having a miscarriage. It broke her, as it did him, but he needed to be strong for Belle, just as he had to be now, no matter how scared and terrified he was himself.

Unlike her previous pregnancy this one went quite smoothly except for her constantly suffering from sore feet and terrible back pain.

Cameron checked his wristwatch, it was almost 2 a.m. which meant they’ve already been here for seven hours. He couldn’t sit anymore. If he did, he was gonna go mad with worry. He stood up and went outside in the chilly night of the inner yard of the hospital.

He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one of them. He took a long drag with a shaky breath, closed his eyes, and leaned on the railing in front of him. The smoke pleasantly filled his lungs and calmed his strained nerves. He took another drag and unlocked his iPhone.

Cameron scrolled the pictures and videos he had of him and Belle and played the recent one.

____________________

**FLASHBACK**

“Your Mama loves you so much,” Belle was sitting on the sofa in the living room and murmuring to her baby bump while stroking it softly. ”Me and Papa can’t wait to meet you, sweetie.”

”You’re so beautiful, sweetheart,” she heard and looked up to see her husband leaning in the doorway with his phone in one hand and cane in the other.

”Cam, are you recording me again?” she laughed at him.

”I am,” he came into the room and joined her on the sofa. ”I don’t want to forget a single moment of this.”

He leaned in and kissed Belle on the lips. “How are you feeling?“

“Okay, I guess, but my feet are really sore, I did too much walking today, I think.“

“Here, let me help you with that,“ he took her feet and laid them on his lap rubbing them gently and Belle let out a satisfying moan.

“How am I so lucky to have ended up with such a wonderful husband?“

He looked at her lovingly. “I’m the lucky one.“

 **END OF FLASHBACK  
**____________________

Cameron inhaled the last drag, put the cigarette out and went back inside. As he came to the plastic chair he was occupying earlier he saw Dr. Whale exiting the room where Belle was giving birth to their child.

“Dr. Whale,“ Cameron called and stopped in front of the man.

“Mr. Gold,“ he began in a low soft voice. “Your wife has given birth to a beautiful healthy boy, but —“

“Can I see them?“ he knew it was over, that this ordeal was behind them, but for some reason he was starting to feel sick and there was cold sweat running down his back.

“Mr. Gold,“ Whale began again. “It would be better if you sat down. Please.“

“Why?“ Belle should be okay, she has to be okay. “What happened?“

“Mr. Gold, please, sit,“ Whale insisted.

“I don’t want to _bloody_ sit! Just fucking tell me what’s wrong!“ He could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he tried to blink them away. He had to be strong for Belle.

“Your wife suffered hemorrhage during labor which is why she lost consciousness,“ Cameron nodded. He knew Belle passed out, he was there when it happened.

“Is she okay?“

“Mr. Gold, your wife lost a lot of blood. We couldn’t stitch her while she was still giving birth. We also couldn’t do the blood transfusion until the child was born.“

“What are you saying?“ Cameron asked in a small voice, he could feel his lower lip trembling. This couldn’t be it. Belle has to be okay. She is strong, and healthy, and stubborn.

“Mr. Gold, by the time your child was delivered, it was too late,“ Whale looked at Cameron, his eyes full of sadness and regret. “I am so very sorry.“

“N-no,“ Cameron’s breathing became more rapid and shallow. He staggered back. “No.“

He felt his knees giving away as he swayed and dropped on the chair. His chest felt too tight, his heart was racing. This was all wrong. It couldn’t be real. It had to be just a bad dream. He had many of those during Belle’s pregnancy. He would dream of losing her, or their child, or them both, and then wake up in cold sweat. This was just another of his nightmares. He just had to wake up.

“Mr. Gold, you need to calm down, you’re hyperventilating.“ Dr. Whale’s voice was alarmed. He put his hand on Cameron’s shoulder.

Cameron was breathing too fast, he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. He was suffocating, the room in front of him was spinning and his eyesight was blurry as tears ran down his cheeks.

“Mr. Gold, I need you to listen to me, okay? I need you to take a nice deep breath. Could you do that?“ Whale’s voice somehow cut through the buzzing filling Cameron’s ears.

Gold took a couple of rasped  breaths and buried his trembling hands in his hair. He pulled tightly and let out a groan full of pain.

“Mr. Gold, please, look at me,“ Dr. Whale squatted down in from of him.

Cameron didn’t react, he kept rocking back and forth on his chair, hands pulling at hair. He was staring at the tiled floor under his feet, his eyes unfocused.

____________________

**FLASHBACK**

“So let’s take a look at your baby, shall we?“ Dr. Whale said putting the ultrasound scanner on Belle’s belly. Cameron was sitting next to her holding her hand tightly in his.

“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart, don’t worry,“ he said and kissed her fingers lightly.

“It’s just the last time —“

“I know, I know,“ he soothed her. “But this time it will be different, I promise,“ the memory of loosing their first child halfway through pregnancy was still vivid and kept them on edge for the past eight months.

She clenched his hand tightly when Whale turned from the monitor to look at them.

“Mr. and Mrs. Gold, I can assure you that your boy is perfectly healthy and there’s no need for you to worry,“ Whale smiled at them.

“See, sweetheart?“ Cameron kissed her on the temple. “Maybe — maybe it’s time we stopped worrying,“ he whispered.

Their eyes met and she smiled at him brightly.

**END OF FLASHBACK  
**____________________

He felt dizzy and sick. The sound escaping his throat was one of a wounded animal.

“Mr. Gold,“ Dr. Whale said carefully. “Would you like to see your wife?“

Cameron lifted his head. The look in his eyes made Whale stagger. It was empty and emotionless.

“Yes,“ he rasped. “Please.“

He stood up with the help of his cane and limped after Dr. Whale leaning on his cane more heavily than usual. When they entered the room, he saw his wife lying on the bed motionless, her face grey  and lips blue. Dr. Whale heard a muffled sob coming from Cameron.

“I’ll give you a moment,“ he said softly and left the room closing the door quietly behind him.

The only thing keeping Cameron upright was his cane as he moved closer to Belle’s bed. He sat on the chair near her and gingerly took her hand in his and tentatively brought it to his lips. Tears streamed down his face as he gave her a lingering kiss.

“Oh, Belle,“ he whispered. “My beautiful Belle.“

He reached to her face and brushed a strand of hair from her face. His fingers lingered on her cheek as he stroked it. Her skin warm to his touch, but she didn’t look like she was sleeping as many people would describe a dead person. No, she looked different. He used to lie awake in their bed and watch Belle sleep next to him thanking the universe for bringing them together.

But now she looked different, like there was something missing.

“Belle, no, please,“ he sobbed, fat tears falling from his tightly shut eyes. “Oh, please, don’t leave me. How am I supposed to raise our son alone? How am I supposed to do it all alone?“

He leaned in and laid his head on her stomach, fingers clinging to her hospital gown, his sobs chocking him.

____________________

Ten minutes later Dr. Whale came in and led broken Cameron out, encouraging him to meet his newborn son.

“I just need a moment,“ Mr. Gold said in a barely audible voice and headed to the men’s bathroom.

He felt so empty, so helpless and small. All his dreams he just dared to believe in in the last five years of his blissful marriage with Belle were crumbling down in front of him and there was nothing he could do about it.

This wasn’t fair. Belle was so young, had her whole life in front of her. What about all the plans they’ve made for when their child would be old enough to travel, what about her dream to get a PhD in library science. What about all the things they haven’t seen, all the things they haven’t done. She was so excited about becoming a mother. She’s been dreaming about it for so long. She always talked about how she would cradle their son, soothe him, how she would read him a bedtime story every single night, and tell him all about the world around him.

This just wasn’t fair!

Cameron slammed his left fist in the wall of a bathroom stall. Sharp pain went though his palm distracting him from this void that was freezing him from the inside. He welcomed this pain and kept punching the wall, almost inaudible groans escaped his lips. His hand felt numb, it was bloody and fractured. He let out a husky breath and went back to the hall.

“Mr. Gold!“ Dr. Whale called him. “Oh my God, what happened to your hand?“

“I — ugh, had an accident,“ Cameron clenched his hand, pain spreading through it again.

“Let me take a look at it.“

____________________

After his hand was cleaned and bandaged he was finally introduced to his child. The moment the nurse carefully put his newborn son in his arms a whole new range of emotions flooded Cameron. He was perfect. How could one feel so much love for someone he had just met? The product of his and Belle’s love. His son. No, their son. His and Belle’s. He wouldn’t let their child forget his mother, though he never got the chance to meet her.

“Oh, son,“ Cameron murmured softly. “Your Mama would have loved you so much.“

He stroked his head lightly as if afraid to hurt him. He was so innocent and vulnerable.

The boy chose that moment to open his eyes and looked straight in his father’s. Air was knocked out of Cameron’s lungs the second their eyes met. An inimitable shade of blue. The eyes of his mother.

Soft gasp escaped his lips and an uncertain smile appeared on his face the first time since this terrible night began. Chubby little hands reached up and touched Cameron’s nose clumsily.

“Hello,“ he said to his son. “I’m your Papa.“

The baby smiled at him widely and made a gurgled sound. He could do it, Cameron thought, he could raise their child alone. For Belle’s sake.

He had to be strong for Belle, he reminded himself.

____________________

**FLASHBACK**

“Cam?“

“Yeah?“

They were lying in their bed, Belle’s head resting on Cameron’s chest and their fingers interlaced on her baby bump.

“What should we call him?“ she asked meeting his eyes.

“Do you have any suggestions?“

“Hm, I don’t know. I thought maybe you had something in mind,“ she gave him a small smile. “Some kind of an old Gaelic name?“

“As a matter of fact, I do have one,“ he said with uncertainty.

“Tell me.“

“Ugh — Baelfire?“

“Baelfire,“ she tried the name on her tongue. “Your grandfather’s name?“

“Yeah,“ he replied. “But it’s just a suggestion. We can name our son something else.“

“Hey, I like it, even more so because I know how much he meant for you,“ she stroked his cheek affectionately making him look at her.

“You really don’t mind?“

“Really. It’s a beautiful name. I love it.“

“Thank you, sweetheart. This means the world to me,“ he turned his head a bit and kissed her lips gingerly.

“I love you,“ she mumbled against his lips.

“I love you, too.“

She pulled him closer and deepened the kiss.

**END OF FLASHBACK  
**____________________

“Have you thought of the name?“ Dr. Whale asked him.

“Um, I —,“ Cameron hesitated. He and Belle did agree on Baelfire, but now he wanted their son to have a name reflecting his mother’s presence in his life. He remembered Belle telling him about her favourite book on their very first date all those years ago. She was so excited telling him all about it, that it was about mysteries and adventures and finding your place in the world. She also admired the protagonist who was brave, compassionate, and forgiving and who always did the right thing. Cameron nodded to Whale. “Yes.“

“His name is Gideon,“ he said stroking his son’s chubby cheek. “Gideon Baelfire Gold.“

“It’s a good name,“ Whale smiled at father and son.

____________________

Several hours later Cameron was standing on the porch of their house hugging Gideon tightly to his chest. It was strange and unsettling being here without Belle. The house felt empty and cold. He heard the echo of his steps as he entered and went into the kitchen.

He prepared some formula for Gideon and tried to feed him the way the nurse showed him back at the hospital. He held his son in the crook of the arm being careful not to let him swallow too much air.

After Gideon finished the bottle, Cameron laid him on his shoulder and gently rubbed his back until he burped.

“That’s a good boy,“ Cameron cooed kissing child’s forehead. “How about we get you to bed, hm?“

They went upstairs to the room across from the master’s bedroom. The nursery he and Belle renovated a couple of months ago.

____________________

**FLASHBACK**

“Oh, you minx,“ Cameron growled when Belle painted his cheek with a brush she was holding in her hand. They have finally agreed on the green colour for their son’s nursery and were painting the walls. “You’re going to pay for it, sweetheart.“

He chased her all over the room, her laugh hysterical. He grabbed her waist waving his arms around it as he cornered her.

“Got you,“ he said breathlessly. He dipped two fingers into the paint can and brought them to her face.

“No, Cam!“ she laughed. “Don’t you dare!“

He smeared the paint all over her face while she fought against his chest playfully, their laughter filling the room.

“You rascal!“

“But that’s why you love me, darling,“ he whispered, his breath brushing her lips.

“Don’t even think it’s gonna help you escape my —,“ he didn’t let her finish as he leaned in and captured her lips with his. She moaned in his mouth as he deepened the kiss and lifted her in his arms.

“Cam,“ she whispered. “Your leg.“

“I can manage,“ he pressed her against the wall as she entwined her legs around him.

“We’re gonna smudge the paint,“ she said breathlessly.

“I don’t care,“ he breathed and kissed her deeply again.

**END OF FLASHBACK  
**____________________

“Here, Gid, this is your room,“ Cameron said as he moved to the cradle standing by the wall. “I really hope you like it, your Mama and I did the best we could.“

He looked down at his son and found him already fast asleep.

“I love you, son,“ he kissed the baby on his soft cheek and lowered him in the cradle. “Sleep tight.“

Cameron turned the baby monitor on and quietly left the room. He was exhausted. The weight of what happened tonight pressing down on him again.

He went back downstairs and out to the patio. By habit, he pulled out his pack of cigarettes and put one between his lips. Bringing the lighter closer to his face he flicked it and froze. A small flame mesmerised him for a moment.

The last time he smoked his wife was dying in the hospital room surrounded by strangers. He shut his eyes tightly, there were no tears left in him but he could feel his eyes stinging. In disgust, he yanked the cigarette from his mouth and crumpled it with the rest of the pack throwing it in the trash bin. No more.

His wedding ring caught his eye again and he reached into the coat pocket pulling out a small bag of personal possessions they gave him at the hospital. Belle’s wedding ring. A simple white gold band with a mountain engraved in it. A perfect match to his.

He dropped it on his palm, memories flooding and overwhelming him.

____________________

**FLASHBACK**

“If you’d like to begin,“ the priest said. “Vows please.“

They decided to have a small quiet ceremony in the forest near the well they both were so fond of. Just the two of them. Cameron couldn’t take his eyes off of Belle, she was stunning like the day he met her.

“I, Cameron, take thee, Belle,“ he began, his eyes fixed on the pure beauty in front of him. “To be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward.“

He gently took her hand in his. “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer.“ Their eyes met again as he slipped the band on Belle’s ring finger. Happy tears welling in her eyes as she blinked them away. “In sickness and in health.“

He brought her hand to his lips kissing her fingers lightly. “To love and to cherish.“

**END OF FLASHBACK  
**____________________

“Till death do us part,“ Cameron echoed in the cold autumn wind.

He clenched her ring in his bandaged hand and went upstairs to the master’s bedroom. Belle’s jewellery box was sitting on the nightstand next to her side of the bed. He opened it and pulled out a white gold chain she kept there but barely wore as she didn’t have a matching pendant for it.

He sat on the bed, threaded the chain through her wedding ring, and put it around his neck. He brought it to his lips kissing lightly and tugged it under his shirt to keep closer to his broken heart.

Cameron checked his wristwatch, it was almost 6 a.m. The sight of his own wedding ring catching his eye again. It didn’t seem right now. As much as it pained him to think this way he wasn’t married anymore. He was a widower. He pulled it off his left ring finger and moved to the right one.

He felt as if there was a hole in his chest where his heart used to be. He laid on his side of the bed looking at hers with empty eyes. He hugged her pillow close burying his face in it as he breathed in his wife’s faint scent. Tears ran down his cheeks again soaking Belle's pillow.

A sudden buzzing of his phone was like a rumble of thunder roaring through the quiet room.  It distracted him for a moment from his agony as he pulled it out. There was one message from Ella. She and her wife Ursula were his long-time business partners and the only close friends he had.

_Cam, Ruby told us what happened. I’m so very sorry. How are you holding up?_

Ruby was Belle’s oldest friend from her time back at the college and just so happened to be Dr. Whale’s wife of two years.

_Not good._ He replied.

_Do you want us to come over?_

_Not now._ He couldn’t deal with anyone’s sympathy right now. So he turned his phone off and closed his eyes trying to forget the horror of the night and fall asleep.

Just as he was beginning to drift off he heard Gideon crying on the baby monitor. Cameron grunted into the pillow, got out of bed and went to the nursery.

Gideon was fidgeting in his cradle, his beautiful face red from weeping. Cameron lifted him into his arms and hugged him close to his chest.

“Shh, son,“ he cooed. “What’s wrong? Shh.“

He didn’t know what bothered Gideon, he was clean, fed and warm. What else did he need?

“Shh, what is it, Gid?“ he rocked him gently. “Shh, come now.“

But his Papa’s pleadings fell on deaf ears as Gideon’s screams and cries filled the room. And then it hit him. More than being fed and comfortable his son needed his mother. Cameron pulled out his phone and played the video he watched in the inner yard of the hospital earlier that night. He brought the phone closer to Gideon’s face holding him tightly with his injured hand.

“Hey, look,“ he whispered softly to the baby. “That’s your Mama.“

The boy stopped sobbing momentarily, tears still running down his chubby cheeks.

“That’s right,“ Cameron soothed him. “That’s your Mama talking to you while you were still in her tummy. See?“ he pointed at Belle’s belly. “That’s you.“

Gideon let a gurgling sound and reached for his Papa’s phone.

“I know, son, I miss her, too,“ he leaned in a bit and pressed a kiss to the baby’s forehead. “But we have each other, right? We need to be strong for her, okay?“

The blue eyes met the brown ones and Cameron knew they would be alright. They could do it. Together.

_________________

The sky on Belle’s funerals day was overcast and a heavy rain began to fall.

Cameron had dressed Gideon for the day and was packing a baby bag. There were a couple of short knocks at the front door and he went to open it, his cane in one hand and Gideon held tightly by the other.

The first thing Ella and Ursula saw when Cameron opened the door was the state he was in. His eyes hollow and empty, dark circles surrounding them. His face haggard with a stubble on his chin and cheeks. But he was dressed as impeccable as ever.

“Oh, Cam,“ Ella said entering the hall. She put her hand on his forearm and squeezed it gently.

“And who is this little gentleman?“ Ursula cooed. “May I hold him?“

Cameron moved Gideon to his friend’s arms carefully. She took him and moved to the direction of the living room to give Cameron and Ella some alone time.

“Cam,“ Ella began again. “Hey.“

Her other hand went up to rest on his unshaven cheek, the gesture asking him to look in her eyes. When their eyes met, she was taken aback by how much pain and desperation she saw in them.

“Oh, darling, come here,“ she pulled him into a tight hug and he hid his face in the crook of her neck, his body trembling with soft sobs. “Shh.“ She stroked his back lightly.

“It’s just such a ridiculous death,“ he whispered in her hair after a moment.

“I know,“ she soothed him.

Ursula came back to the hall, Gideon on her hip.

“Hey,“ she said softly. “It’s time to go.“

Ella pulled away from Cameron a bit taking his face in her both hands as Ursula put her free of Gideon hand on his shoulder affectionately.

“Are you ready?“ Ella asked him, her thumbs wiping tears off his cheeks. He looked at her miserably and nodded.

____________________

The graveyard was filled with people who came to say their last goodbye to town’s favourite librarian and dear friend.

Cameron was standing in the first row hugging Gideon closer to his chest. The sound of the rain pounding on the umbrella was too depressing. When the priest finished his burial service, it was time for Cameron to bid his final farewell to his loving wife.

He gave Gideon to Ursula and stepped forward to the open coffin. He pulled out a book he kept tugged under his arm.

“Hey, sweetheart,“ he began. “I was meaning to give you this after Gideon was born, but —,“ he let out a shaky breath. He cleared his throat and continued.

“You were always saying how you wanted to see the world, and I thought you might like this to keep all the memories of our adventures in.“

He looked at the travel book clenched in his fingers and put it in the coffin under her folded hands.

“Our son misses you, Belle. Terribly,“ his voice breaking. “And so do I.“

He bent down and pressed his final kiss to his wife’s cold lips.

“I’ll meet you on the other side, sweetheart,“ he whispered and stepped back, his eyes fixed on her unmoving face.

“You!“ The was a scream coming from behind him.

Cameron spun around just as a heavy meaty fist crashed into his nose. An unexpected attack sent him on the muddy ground. He could feel blood streaming from his broken nose as he tried to focus his dazed eyes. There were gasps from the crowd gathered for the funerals.

“It’s your fault!“ Moe French screamed as he pounced on Cameron crushing his already broken arm under his weight. Cameron cried out in pain, his vision clearing.

“It’s all your fault!“ Moe continued, pounding the widower in the face, blood splattering around them and mixing with rain and mud.

“You’re the reason my daughter is dead!“ Cameron wasn’t even trying to defend himself. He just laid there in the cold, wet mud letting his late wife’s father beat him.

Someone from the crowd rushed to them and pulled Moe off of almost unconscious Cameron.

“You and that brat of yours! You killed my daughter!“ Moe yelled.

Cameron could barely hear him through the veil of physical pain and mental anguish that tore at him.

So he just laid there, his face battered and covered in blood, fat raindrops falling on him as he wept for his wife.


End file.
